Staying in one's Lane

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I was recently pulled over by the police. I waited in the once-familiar blue lights as the officer approached and informed me that he pulled me over because I was swerving. “How many drinks have you had this evening,” he asked, to which I informed him my last drink was twenty years ago. Not believing me, he gave me a breathalyzer test which proved my innocence. He let me go without a citation, but the experience left me rattled.

The next morning, my wife and I were discussing a struggle I was having as a volunteer at a local non-profit. (Having worked in such a world, it’s easy to put on my non-profit CEO hat without knowing it.) She reminded me that I needed to “stay in my lane,” as she put it. Between the moment with police and the advice from my wife, it was clear I had some reflecting to do. Seems I have a swerving issue. I need to learn how to stay in my lane.

Perhaps, I’m not alone.

I drive fast. It gives me a sense of purpose. Reaching a destination in record times feels like an achievement. When my wife offers her familiar refrain, “There’s joy in the journey,” I try not to roll my eyes. So, too, I like to get things done quickly, but my pace often leaves others drowning in my wake. Swerving from lane to lane, I try to get wherever I’m going as fast as I can, sometimes forgetting to use my blinker. No wonder I confuse and frustrate others.

In a group to which I belong, they speak of being driven by a hundred forms of fear, and I know, deep down, that fear often causes me to swerve out of my lane. Fear wears many masks and control is one of them. It fools me into thinking I know better, have found a faster route, and causes me to plow ahead regardless of the collateral damage. Whether it’s a committee’s work, a domestic dilemma, or a child’s choice, the temptation to swerve into someone else’s lane is constant.

Accepting life on life’s terms is difficult. Accepting people, places, and things as they are is a life-long challenge. “That’s where faith comes in,” a wise friend pointed out. “Those people, places, and things are as loved by God as you are. Why not get out of the way and let God do God’s thing?” In other words, stop swerving and stay in your own lane?

It’s an important lesson, but it’s one that’s easy to forget. Staying in our lanes and not running the show is an act of faith. It allows God to be God, and you and me to be who we are. As difficult as it may be, it’s actually a tremendous gift.

Bigger or Smaller

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Are you getting bigger or smaller? No, I am not talking about your body; I’m talking about the YOU inside that body. As we begin another year, it’s a timely question. As human beings given a limited time here on earth, it’s an essential one.

When you lay your head down at night, are you bigger or smaller than when you awakened?

After an evening with friends, are you bigger or smaller?

When you leave church, have you expanded or constricted?

When you push the curtain of the voting both to one side, have you grown or diminished in size?

Driving home from work, does your soul take up more room in the car?

Doing the dishes after the children are in bed, are you a bigger or smaller parent?

Like my body, which is not as flexible as it once was, I fear that as we age we become more rigid, more stuck in our ways. Our efforts are concentrated on grasping long-held views tighter rather than opening ourselves to new ones.

In a few weeks, I’ll be spending 13 weeks with men and women hungry to grow. We will walk together in what’s called The Artist’s Way, a course designed by Julia Cameron to awaken people to their inherent creativity (and spirituality). It was designed to help blocked artists get back into the flow, but it has become a life-giving, life-awakening, course that helps all kinds of people get bigger. It’s not about creating famous writers or accomplished painters, though that sometimes happens. It’s a time to awaken the creative soul within and let it come out and play as it once did. The result is always expanded people – in thought, word, and deed.

Regardless of whether you do such a course or not, I wonder if the dawn of a new year brings with it an invitation to grow bigger? When 2026 arrives, will we bigger or smaller than we are now?

For those living in Greensboro:

https://secondbreathcenter.com/product/the-artists-way-deprogramming-the-inner-critic-uncovering-the-inner-creative-s25/

Can vs Should

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I go to church a lot and often attend services at different churches. Recently, I experienced two churches that delivered very different messages. The contrast helped me see something I want to remember throughout this new year.

In the first, the message was all about our sacred duty to make the world a better place. Every sermon was about what we ought to do for the poor, how we should love of neighbors, and how we are obligated to be peacemakers in a world filled with conflict. While I could not argue with a thing the minister said (in every sermon), I left each week feeling chided, badgered, and overwhelmed with all the shoulds, oughts and obligations.

In the second, the focus was on the love of God. It was a message delivered in a variety of ways, but we were reminded of the wonder of grace and the new life available to us all. The result left me inspired, wanting to take that good news and make a difference in the lives of others. Unlike the first, I left the second church feeling as if “air was put in my spiritual tires,” as a friend puts it. I left wanting to help the poor and love my neighbors not because I ought to but because I get to.

It all came down to the perspective, and that’s a helpful message as we begin a new year. We can compile a to-do list full of resolutions and goals, but such a list will leave us overwhelmed. Soon, we will put the list aside and go back to business as usual. But if we realize that we have been given another year, been given more time with people we love and a chance to make a difference in the world, suddenly we live our lives out of gratitude and optimism.

No, we might not do all that we want, we might not do things as well as we hope, but we’ve been given the chance that many others have not. Let’s receive the gift of another year, another day, and see what is possible when we focus on the gift and not the list, the can and not the should.

IDEA: Instead of making a list of goals and/or resolutions, write a letter to yourself which you will seal and not read until December 31, 2025. Have a conversation with your future self, describing your hopes for the new year. (My daughter did this and was delighted to be able to compare her hopes with the year she ended up having.)