Behind the hedge.

For those familiar with the Bible, there is a story of a man and woman who live in a garden. They live at-one with both each other and God until they make a mistake which causes them to hide. As Heni Nowen puts it, they went and hid behind a hedge because they were ashamed about what they had done and who they saw themselves to be. I can see great wisdom in the story, because it describes what has been and continues to be true for me. Perhaps there’s a truth for you as well.

I don’t believe we are born behind the hedge. It’s something that happens over time. Maybe our journey begins when we are laughed at in class, when we wear the wrong thing to school, or someone hurts our feelings. Over time, the reasons for taking shelter increase. More hurt or bigger mistakes leave us feeling like we have no other choice. We just want to feel safe, so behind the hedge we retreat. Slowly or suddenly, we find ourselves taking shelter there, and I believe the rest of our lives are spent either hiding or trying to come out from behind the hedge.

Like the journey we took to get there, the journey out from behind the hedge takes time. Step by step we timidly try to make our way back to the garden, where we can be at-one with who we truly are, with one another, and with the God of our understanding. When the person says “Hi, I’m Bill. I’m an alcoholic,” at the beginning on an AA meeting, a step is taken. When we admit to a friend what’s really going on at work, home, or in our bank account, a step is taken. When we allow our children, parents, or siblings see that we don’t have it all together, a step is taken.

I do not know if we ever get completely out in front of the hedge, but I do know that the effort itself is where life begins, or at least becomes real. Each step leads to another. Suddenly we find ourselves breathing more easily, or more fully. The increased vulnerability is countered with an increased sense of freedom, and we journey on.

It is my hope and prayer that we find the courage and support to move from behind the hedge. It is there that life is to be found, we are to be found, and others are to be known. It’s a more abundant life than the one behind the hedge. May we all find it in some small way today.