Can vs Should

I go to church a lot and often attend services at different churches. Recently, I experienced two churches that delivered very different messages. The contrast helped me see something I want to remember throughout this new year.

In the first, the message was all about our sacred duty to make the world a better place. Every sermon was about what we ought to do for the poor, how we should love of neighbors, and how we are obligated to be peacemakers in a world filled with conflict. While I could not argue with a thing the minister said (in every sermon), I left each week feeling chided, badgered, and overwhelmed with all the shoulds, oughts and obligations.

In the second, the focus was on the love of God. It was a message delivered in a variety of ways, but we were reminded of the wonder of grace and the new life available to us all. The result left me inspired, wanting to take that good news and make a difference in the lives of others. Unlike the first, I left the second church feeling as if “air was put in my spiritual tires,” as a friend puts it. I left wanting to help the poor and love my neighbors not because I ought to but because I get to.

It all came down to the perspective, and that’s a helpful message as we begin a new year. We can compile a to-do list full of resolutions and goals, but such a list will leave us overwhelmed. Soon, we will put the list aside and go back to business as usual. But if we realize that we have been given another year, been given more time with people we love and a chance to make a difference in the world, suddenly we live our lives out of gratitude and optimism.

No, we might not do all that we want, we might not do things as well as we hope, but we’ve been given the chance that many others have not. Let’s receive the gift of another year, another day, and see what is possible when we focus on the gift and not the list, the can and not the should.

IDEA: Instead of making a list of goals and/or resolutions, write a letter to yourself which you will seal and not read until December 31, 2025. Have a conversation with your future self, describing your hopes for the new year. (My daughter did this and was delighted to be able to compare her hopes with the year she ended up having.)