Chips

My sobriety date falls in January, and, in anticipation of the anniversary, I went to the AA Office to buy this year’s chip.* There were a series of drawers, labeled with the year of the chips inside, and I noticed something interesting. There were three drawers of chips for each year 1 through 4, only two for years 5 and 6, and one drawer for each subsequent year.

This visible lesson in supply and demand reminded me of an important truth for all in recovery, just as it speaks to those beginning the year with resolutions: time wears away our deepest hopes and best intentions. How wonderful that so many people give up alcohol that they need three drawers of chips. How sad that most don’t get far beyond the early years.

I grew up being told to run with perseverance the race that is set before me, but I’m embarrassed by how many of races I’ve quit. Reflecting on the completed races, and those underway, I left the office wondering what the difference is between those who last and those who don’t. Why am I able to complete some races, and not others?

The only answer I can come up with is focus. I don’t mean focus like put your head down and work harder, although perseverance is required. I mean focus as in making sure you are focused on the right thing. When I focus on each step of the race, the score, or the days, I grow weary and stop. When I focus beyond the race, at, say, it’s purpose, the score carries less importance and the days fly by. Similar to when I was told by my driver’s ed instructure to look beyond the hood of the car to the road ahead, recovery and all similar efforts demand a long view.

When I focus on getting through another day or year, my sobriety takes more effort and becomes tenuous. When my view becomes larger, when I focus on living a sober life, the journey demands less effort. I think the same is true of faith. When the do’s and don’t's become the focus, I struggle and stumble, but when I focus on the object of my faith, the daily living becomes easier.

I learned from my visit that it’s not about the chips or individual steps. It’s about the life.

*Members of AA receive chips to commemorate progress in the program.