Fear of Fear

I’m afraid of fear. I know, that’s redundant, but it’s also true. I’m not sure whether I was born this way or if it was something I learned, but the fact is, I run the other way from fear. I act as if it doesn’t exist, or shouldn’t, and that often appears like confidence, bravery, or callous irresponsibility - but it’s really fear in a costume. 

I’m in a program that speaks of living life surrounded by a hundred forms of fear. We share how we’ve coped (badly) with all those fears and learn from one another about better ways to live. As a wise person said, fear is going to be in the car with us; the trick is not letting it drive. As we make our way through these strange times of the coronavirus, it might be helpful to acknowledge the fear that sits beside us in the car and work to not let it take the wheel.

Someone once told me fear is like a road sign. It’s there to warn us and to make us aware of potential danger ahead. I’ve recently found fear as a sign pointing me to my need for faith. It doesn’t remover the danger, nor quell the fear, but it reminds me that I am not in this alone. I must do my part, but then I need to trust that God’s got this, God’s got me, and God’s got you. In fact, God’s got the whole world in God’s hands, as the song goes, and that’s something important for me to remember when the world around me is consumed with fear and it wants to drive the car.

I often think of something a classmate described when we were in seminary. He was in a swimming pool trying to teach his son how to jump (and later dive) off the diving board. His son, with knees shaking, stood at the edge of the diving board paralyzed with fear as he thought about jumping. In the water below, however, was his Dad. With arms opened wide, he called out and said, “I’ve got you.”

I stand on the edge of the diving board daily. It’s alright for my knees to shake, but, rather than focus on my knees and the fear causing them to shake, I want to look to the one below, the one with his arms opened wide saying, “I’ve got you.”