Know and Be Known

She had that look. I’d seen it enough to recognize it, but it was unsettling still. Led by hand into the coffee shop, placed in her seat, and chaperoned while another went to get coffee, her vacant look and inability to sit by herself made the tragedy that is Alzheimer’s visible.

Her son tried to connect with her, but there was no recognition. She did not know who he was, and, for all intents and purposes, he didn’t know the woman across the table either.

In seminary, I was taught the concept called “via negativa,” which is seeing or learning something through its opposite. Like a vase given shape and definition by the darkness and shadow surrounding it, the son and mother across from me revealed one of the most important things about being human: knowing, and being known.

It’s been said, God created us not because he needed us, but because God longed to be in relationship. In other words, God sought to know and be known. We, too, have a similar hunger, both spiritually and personally. It’s what makes us human, but it’s as difficult as it is essential. To know is to open one’s heart. To be known is to open one’s arms. Neither is easy, yet they represent the key to a full and meaningful life.

Across from me is an example of life without knowing and being known. That it’s a mother and son makes the vacancy all the more painful, and yet it can serve as a stark reminder of the opportunity we’ve been given.

Today.

This minute.

Whether with God, or another, time is of the essence. We can take the risk and open our hearts and our arms, know and be known, or we can live detached lives. The choice is ours. Unfortunately, the mother and son across from me no longer have that choice.