Revolving Doors

I don’t remember the first time I saw a revolving door. I’m sure it was in New York City somewhere, but watching the Christmas movie, Elf, a few months ago reminded how much fun they once were. Around and around, they probably felt more like an amusement park ride than a department store or office door. As the movie so wonderfully illustrated, however, you can stay in a revolving door too long and eventually get dizzy and sick.

Over time, revolving doors have lost their attraction, but I recently realized how I still like to go around and around, never entering or exiting the places I’m trying to go or leave. Instead of leaving the rotating doors, I keep going around which causes me to get dizzy and sick.

In my life of sobriety, there’s a new life on the other side of the door, but to get there I have to leave my old life behind. Instead of choosing one over the other, I choose both and it spins me around until I am dizzy and sick.

When I became an ordained priest, I struggled with my new life of ministry and old life. I felt called to one but didn’t want to leave the other behind. Instead of choosing, I tried to live them both which left me (and others) dizzy and sick.

In relationships, I meet people who inspire me and point me in a wonderful new direction, but I do not want to let go of those I have known all my life. Incapable of heading in one direction, I go around and around until I’m dizzy and sick.

Even possessions can be revolving doors. My studio is full of furniture and pictures of my childhood. Placed beside them are mementos from various chapters in my life. In an effort to prepare the space for what lies ahead, I find there’s little room for anything new. Like a revolving door, I spin around between the past and future and stumble with dizziness.

Of course, the answer is to leave the revolving door. The solution is to decide what side of the door I want to be on and exit when I get there. It’s easier said than done, at least for me, because letting go frightens me. If I am completely candid, taking hold of something new is just as frightening. No wonder people like me find themselves going around and around. No wonder we become dizzy and sick. 

I write about it in hopes of encouraging me to get off the amusement park ride, to leave the revolving door, and enter one life or the other. I post what I write to encourage others to join me.

A picture are worth a thousand words: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bAfiG7hTvM