The Heart of the Matter/The Matters of the Heart

“You keep carrying that anger, it’ll eat you up inside.” Don Henley

Each Lent, I remember a story I once read about two monks who went on a day-long silent retreat. The rules for such retreats were strict – no contact with anyone and absolute silence. They set off from the monastery and were not an hour away when they came across an old man trying to cross a swollen river. “Here, climb on my back,” said one monk without hesitation, and soon he was carrying the old man while his companion was fuming behind. Once on the other side, they continued on their way. When they finally returned to the monastery and could break their silence, the other monk let him have it. “I can’t believe what you did!” he said. “You not only spoke to the man, you also carried him across the river.” After a brief pause, the other monk looked at his friend and said, “That’s funny. I carried him across the river, but you’ve been carrying him all day long.”

The old men beside the river come in all shapes and sizes, and one of the healthiest things we can do spiritually is recognize the people, places, and things we’ve carried all day long:

·      A divorce (or any other kind of break up).

·      A friend in eight grade who deliberately did not invite you to a sleep-over.

·      A friend or relative who said something that hurt you deeply.

·      A person you look up to messed up.

·      A colleague who went behind your back. 

·      A boss who gave you a particularly critical review. 

·      A friend who took advantage of you.

·      A company that laid you off or fired you.

·      A parent (or child) who didn’t love you enough.

·      A God who could allow a loved one to suffer or die.

The list is endless and particular to the one doing the carrying. What’s universal is the damage such resentments do - not to the other person, but to one doing the carrying. In 12-step recovery circles, they have a saying that captures the danger of carrying resentments: “I’ll show you . . . I’ll kill me.”

This is the season to recognize who or what we’ve been carrying and putting them down so we can walk on free of such lethal burdens.