Fathers' Day: Who do you say you are?

Fathers’ Day. A day of celebration. A day of phone calls, notes, presents, time together, and all manner of kindness to a special person in one’s life.

Fathers’ Day, like New Year’s Eve, can also be a holiday of mixed feelings. Joy when all is well, can become sadness when all is not. When seats around the table are filled, it’s easy for hearts to be filled as well, but when seats are empty, for whatever reason, we can feel empty, too. The wind that fills us with gratitude can also blow away carefully placed make-up, revealing cuts and bruises of all shapes and sizes. In the end, Fathers’ Day can be a blessing and/or a challenge, and it raises the question of identity. As if calling us to the mirror, it asks us a simple, but ruthless, question: “Who do you say you are?”

Many quickly answer such a question with what they do. I’m an attorney, a doctor, a mechanic, a minister. Such answers offer the security of identity, but what happens when such employment is lost? When our positions no longer carry the meanings they once did? Then what? Who are we then?

We might turn to other identifiers. I’m a graduate of this school. I belong to that church. I’m from this family. I’m a member of this club, or political party. Again, such answers identify, but not in a lasting way.

That’s when we might turn to roles to help us with who we are. I’m a husband or wife, mother or father, son or daughter, colleague or friend. Such roles are powerful, and yet what happens if or when children or spouses leave, or when our relationships are strained? Do our identities go with our relationships?

I’ve been told our true identity lies beyond what we do, to what we belong, and the roles or relationships we have. I say “I’ve been told,” because I’ve long wandered in the maze of identity hoping to find the truth others proclaim. The answer lies with, and in, God, they say. God is the one constant, and, like our hearts, our sense of self will not rest until it rests in God. When we find our true selves in God, I believe holidays like this will become a lot easier, particularly when they are not neat and tidy.