Stains on the Carpet

I spend many morning in a room with people who spill coffee. Unfortunately, I bought a plain beige rug for the room, which stains easily. With repeated cleaning efforts, it’s appearance has remained decent, but a few days ago another cup spilled and, even after being wiped up, left a dark stain. This morning, I noticed someone had dragged the coffee table over to hide the stain and I couldn’t help but use it as an icon pointing to a truth about how many of us live our lives.

I do not want to claim perpetual uniqueness, because I know we all spill coffee and leave marks in our lives which we are desperate to hide, but, as I sat there looking at the mark under the table, I thought of the many mistakes I’ve made in my life. As my thinking started to spiral into a lament over my countless mistakes, I realized I was sitting in a room full of people who are willing to talk about such things. When possible, we’ve tried to clean up our messes, but some leave permanent marks. Dragging a coffee table over is an understandable response, just as is switching jobs after a meltdown, or finding a new romantic interest before your heart has healed from your last. Coffee tables come is all shapes and sizes, but they only hide, and don’t remove, marks.

There are those I'll call “the pointers,” who see the marks and make sure others do as well. “Hey, look!” they cry or whisper, hoping that focusing on someone else’s stains will distract from their own. And, if we’re honest, some of the worst pointers are ourselves, always making sure to show people our imperfections before they find them out themselves.

The fact is, coffee spills and marks are left. Maybe if we accept that and give up the charade of perfect appearances, we can compare spots, laugh about them, in time, and give thanks we’re not alone. I looked up from my meditative gaze to see my friends from AA gathered around me and realized that was exactly what we were doing.