Changing our Swing

June 3

Changing our Swing

He went to see a golf instructor to get help with his game. He was a functional golfer, as he liked to put it, but wanted to improve his game. The instructor identified a number of things he could improve. Shift your grip, he said, widen your stance, and focus on your rhythm. Under his watchful eye, the man was successful, but when he went off by himself to practice it was as if his entire game had unraveled.

I smiled as he told me his story, not because I took delight in his struggle, but because I knew what it was like to try to improve something and watch as things actually felt like they were coming apart. Most recently, it happened in my personal life. 

I began working with a wonderful therapist not long ago. She was a pro, someone told me, and I was eager to address things which were getting in my way of living an authentic, meaningful life. After listening to my story, she made suggestions. She challenged long-held beliefs, questioned stories I’d been telling myself, and poked and prodded me in uncomfortable ways. In her office, things made sense, but when I left to practice what we’d talked about it was as if I was losing my mind. Emotions I hadn’t felt in years resurface and it felt as if my inner life is unraveling.

“That’s what getting well is all about,” she told me. “It begins with the courage to try. It continues with making changes. Then, it’s about weathering the uncertainty of living life in new ways.” During a particularly rough day, I clung to her counsel and trusted the way I was feeling was a part of getting better. I wanted to return to my old ways so that the waters will settle, but that doesn’t lead to new life, so I carried on.

Extra Credit:

1.     When have you tried to make changes in your life? (e.g. at work, in a relationship, in your spiritual life)

2.     Did things feel like they got worse before they got better?

3.     Did you weather the storm, or return to the way things were before?

Life and Death

I heard a heartbreaking story last night. It came from a dear friend who’s a nurse. When asked about her work, she said it had been a hard week. For most of us that means missed deadlines, lost accounts, or difficult co-workers, but for her it was a matter of life and death. Of the many moments she described, it was the last story that stuck with me. A woman suffering from COVID-19 had reached the point of surrender. She wasn’t going to make it and asked my friend to help her facetime her family since they were not allowed to enter the hospital. Taking the woman in her arms, she lifted the phone and allowed the woman the chance to say goodbye before dying moments later.

As painful as it was to hear, I was struck by the contrast between the work a nurse usually does, and the work my friend ended up doing. As a nurse, she’s called to provide the care for patients so they can get better, but in this case there was nothing she could do. Well, that’s not exactly true. There was something she could do. She could take the patient in her arms and lift the phone. Usually she works to help people live. In this case, she helped someone die.

The story broke my heart. It also filled it at the same time.  

Extra Credit:

1.     In what way have you served another person and made their life better?

2.     Have you ever been unable to help or solve the problem?

3.     If so, were you able to offer your presence in the midst of the un-solvable problem?

Sea Glass

She wanders down the shoreline searching for sea glass. Periodically, she looks up and adjusts the strap on her weathered one-piece bathing suit. She used to wear a bikini, but those days are long-gone. Her skin is weathered now, with the lines and folds of being broken in. 

It's still early. Her children and their families are asleep. She and her ex-husband used to use this time to walk together. Now she sleeps and walks alone. Last night, one of her daughters confessed her marriage was in trouble and her son admitted his eldest child might need to go to rehab. There was a time when she longed for, even demanded, everyone be happy, but she’d given that up a few years ago. Now she tried to accept life for the struggle it sometimes is.

A blue piece of sea glass catches her eye and she bends down to pick it up. It’s still translucent with sharp edges, so she casts it back into the sea for more time. Farther down, she finds a green piece that’s perfect. The tides had worn down it edges and softened its color.

Looking for sea glass was something she did with her mother when she was a little girl. They would walk for hours and she would try to convince her mother a piece was ready when it wasn’t. “Give the sea time,” her mother would repeat. “Give the sea time.” 

Like her mother, she learned the sea takes a broken piece of glass and makes it a work of art. When pushed and pulled against the sand for years edges soften, and new shades of color appear.

Kind of like me, she jokes to herself as continues down the beach.

Extra Credit:

1. In what way are you like a piece of sea glass? Have you been broken? Have you been weathered by the tides? Pushed and pulled across the sand?

2. Can you see how life has worn down your edges?

3. In what way has your life become a work of art?